T.G.I.F.

Nothing makes you feel more American that making fun of the French. And today I say, In your snooty, cheese-eating faces!!

Sometimes I feel a little backwards compared to Europeans. They have the metric system, we have the…whatever system. Really, what’s that called? They have socialized healthcare, we have a fear of communism or socialism so ingrained that we’d, seriously, rather die than share anything. They have a good rail system, we get railed by our airlines’ system. We have capital punishment, but guess what? The French are xenophobes!

Take that, France! We have rampant gun violence, but YOU are censoring a culture. We may drive cars that waste too much gas, but YOU are outspokenly denouncing a people’s heritage. French Enlightenment, my foot!

And I told you all that goofy kissing would get you in trouble.

Take that, Pierre.