Yet another sign of the recession-

I may never be financially savvy. There’s a good chance I may be poor for the rest of my life. This only scares me a little. I figure I get pretty resourceful when the chips are down, so maybe that’s the best way for me to live. Lately, I keep reading about how ‘savvy’ New Yorkers get resourceful. It drives me nuts to hear how people with actual savings or even jobs are squeezing the last of the juice out of their fat, fat wallets. I don’t care about your stay-cation or the fact that you’ve figured out how to make dinner for under 20 dollars!!

Firstly, a stay-cation is a dumb word. It’s not an anything. If you stay home and watch a movie, does that count? If you decide rather than running off to the Hamptons, to go see a Broadway show, does that count? I have stay-cations all the time! Only I call them naps.

Now, I’m not hard-up. I got a nice place to live, good friends, I can usually scrounge together a nice meal but on occasion have had a lonely night in and ate hot dogs on my couch while watching TV on my laptop, because I don’t have cable, but this morning I felt very very poor and let me tell you what I had to do.

Let’s set the scene- Aaron, bounces out of bed with a full head of steam, ready to take on the day. He’s got vegetables to replant out back, a little bit of freelance work to do, a painting brewing in his head and a HUGE pile of laundry to do. Laundry first, as underwear is pretty necessary to a happy life. Grabbing the giant pile of quarters off his nightstand he trundles down the street with visions of fresh smelling clothes dancing in his hazy, coffee-less mind.

A handful of curmudgeonly Polish men eye Aaron warily, mostly because Aaron is smiling and smilers are not trusted. Plunk, plunk, plunk go the quarters into the washing machine and Aaron punches buttons and the barrels start to spin. Hurray! Cleanliness IS next to Godliness. Then comes detergent, or so it should, but the detergent has run out! Aaron rifles though his pocket. Only one quarter. But the machine needs two for detergent and Aaron left his ATM card in the machine again this weekend and has no cash and no access to cash.

Aaron thinks fast. Well, as fast as a brain without coffee can think. He races home. Well, not quite races. If it were a race he would lose and he’s the only guy in the race! No quarters at home! Only dimes, nickels and a large pile of foreign coins. Why so many foreign coins, Aaron? You’re not going to the EU anytime soon. You’re poor.

It’s a quick race to the bodega to change two dimes and a nickle for a quarter so Aaron can get detergent before the cycle advances too far. Phew! Made it. Aaron’s pretty lucky, but wait! Now what’s he going to do about drying? Only a half-hour to get this squared.

Aaron feverishly texts his unemployed friends in the area. The curmudgeonly Polish men continue to eye him warily. Apparently, that’s just the way they look. Well, that or drunk. Success!! Kathy responds and Aaron jumps on his bike to get some quarters. Kathy lives next to the White Castle, that foul temptress and her acceptance of credit cards beckons Aaron. He has heard legend that their breakfast sandwiches are, actually pretty good. He shakes off the temptation. There will never be another White Castle on Aaron’s credit card statement, if he can help it.

Kathy appears at her door, she even says he can take a couple extra quarters for coffee, she sees the need in his eyes. She is generous. The day is saved. Aaron’s laundry spins in the warmth of the dryer. Aaron types a blog… wait. Did this have a point? Is anyone reading this story?

Anyways, moral of the story- always make sure to take your ATM card out of the machine. Or you know what? Why don’t we just make it so you get the card back before you start the transaction. You hearin me, Wachovia? Chase does it!

Ya, jerk.